My Friend A.By Matt
We all have a friend that is just a little bit weird…
I’ve been meaning to write this for awhile. I mean, before I left Florida, I jokingly promised my coworkers that one day I would write a book about the asinine things that our coworker did and thought about. Some of them I guess could be seen as valid, but I would venture to say that there aren’t too many of these “quirks” that people can relate to. That being said, we wouldn’t want him any other way because he makes the day that much more fun. And by fun, I mean making FUN of him. After his quick defense, he laughs it off.
This will be the place where I will recall some of the things he did/said/thought. Maybe if I were creative, I could get some illustrations to better help with the whole presentation.
Background: We will call this coworker A. A is a mechanical (i think) engineer and is a whiz at 3D modeling for protoyping and manufacturing. He has a bachelors and is working towards his masters. In other words, he is not lacking intelligence, just maybe some common sense. I worked with A for 2.5 years in a small office setting of a small, start-up company. Many hours were spent stressing and arguing about the future of the company and which direction the company should be headed. But, nothing was argued about more than choosing where to go for lunch each day. NOTHING. Some of these “stories” stem from those arguments, others from stories randomly blurted out in the office and others from questions asked.
This is only for fun and is in no way meant to insult A. He helped with the list.
The worst part about all of this is that I had a written out sheet of paper with all the stories, and NOW I cannot find it!
These are in no particular order, besides how I remember them:
1. One day we all went out to lunch, J, A, and myself, on a rare occasion that we agreed to go to the same place. We hit up Sonny’s BBQ which is your typical BBQ place with sweet tea and all the fixins. A is looking over the menu (which is a whole other adventure in itself anywhere we went) and he is trying to decide his choice of sides to go with his combo meal.
A., stunned at what he just found, looks up at both of us, and with the most serious face says, “I can’t believe they have fried ORCA here. I mean, isn’t that whale? That’s just weird.” J and I practically die laughing. “Fried ORCA? Um, try fried OKRA! You know, the vegetable?” That was a classic A. moment and one that I won’t soon forget.
2. For a brief stint, A. would come to work quoting documents and laws that he had been studying about America and his rights as a citizen of this glorious nation. This spurred the most ridiculous conversations and arguments. A. said he didn’t need a driver’s license and that he didn’t need to pay taxes and that no one owned their cars (the US did). We would question what he would do if he were pulled over and he went on to quote the exact statutes and where we could find these laws. He wouldn’t accept the fact that he would be taken to jail and be laughed at the entire way there. A. always wanted to bend the rules; even aspired to bend the laws of the country.
3. Most of America, that brings their lunch to work, brings their sandwich in a plastic bag or tupperware already prepared. At least, this is what I assume. Not A. A. would show up with a grocery bag full of items for his lunch. A Head of lettuce, a sliced tomato, slices of onion, sandwich meats, cheeses and a loaf of bread. His lunch break would consist of the lengthy assembly of a sandwich, everything placed perfectly on the bread. The best days were when one of the items was used up (i.e. a tomato). Well, this means that homemade lunch was off for A. He would have to go out to eat because “how can you eat a sandwich without lettuce, tomato and onions?”. Apparently, that is not a possibility.
4. Along the lines of homemade lunch, “I can’t have lunch with water to drink.” If A. was out of his 2-Liter of Pepsi, he would have to make a special trip to the store for a drink because Water was not an acceptable form of beverage to have when eating. Um, okay.
MORE STORIES TO COME SOON. STAY TUNED